


heaven can wait

by dreams_and_bones



Series: Jukebox on Repeat [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, F/M, but resolved dw, gonna be several because I can't decide how it should go, this is just juke first kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29592912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreams_and_bones/pseuds/dreams_and_bones
Summary: “I can’t do this to you, Jules!” He ran a shaking hand through his hair, knowing his eyes were wild. He couldn't meet hers for more than a few seconds. “One day I’m not gonna be here any more- and I can’t let you- I can’t let you get invested in me when I’m just gonna leave you, there is no scenario in this where I don’t leave you.” Didn't she see that? She was so much smarter than he was, what could she possibly imagine their future looked like? Someday he would be gone, they wouldn't know when and they wouldn't get any warning, and didn't she see how much worse that would be? She had already been left behind before, and she had stopped playing music for a year. He couldn't do that to her, couldn't let her get so attached that he would tear her music from her when he left.“You can’tletme?” Julie asked, louder and angrier than he had anticipated. “You can’tletme get invested in you? Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?”
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Jukebox on Repeat [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178477
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105





	heaven can wait

**Author's Note:**

> This'll be the first of a couple of one shots of different ways I imagine Julie and Luke's first kiss.

Julie was looking at him with that fire in her eyes again, letting off those sparks that burned the edges of Luke's resolve every time. There was only his guitar between them, five inches of wood and metal strings, and it felt so fragile. Somewhere in him he knew it was only a barrier because he needed it to be; it wouldn't actually stop him from leaning across the gap and finally, finally kissing her. 

The seconds stretched out between them, her gaze steady, alight, daring. Luke couldn't look away. His heart was beating in his mouth and he didn't know if it was a real sensation or the memory of one but the way she was watching him made it impossible to think of anything but Julie, Julie, _Julie_. 

He didn't move. He couldn't do that to her, it wouldn't be fair. It was like a gut punch every time he looked at her and had to remind himself that she had no future with him. He didn't have a future at all. He had nothing to offer her except a heart overflowing with her voice. Julie deserved everything, and he had nothing he could give her.

He didn't move, but she did. Her eyes were blazing and when she kissed him her mouth was warm and for a moment nothing mattered. For a moment, he kissed her back, leaning across the guitar that had proven an insufficient barrier. It was everything he had ever imagined it would be and so much more, but it was _Julie_ , and in seconds everything came crashing down around him.

He pulled away. 

“Luke?” she asked, and he could hear the shudder in her breath. 

“I - I can’t do this,” he said, unable to look her in the eye. There were strings tightening around his chest, and his fingers dug into the fretboard. He hadn't even kissed her long enough to let go. He couldn't. 

“Can’t do what?” Her voice was ragged, and it tore at him to know that he had sharpened those edges. 

He couldn't look at her, not when she was looking at him like like that, lost, the fire out of her eyes. He turned around, tearing his guitar over his head, tossing it none too gently on the couch. “This,” he gestured wildly between them. “This, I can’t do- not with you-“ 

“Can’t do what with me, Luke?” Her voice had hardened and he made himself look at her. She deserved that. She deserved his honesty. 

“I can’t- Julie, I can’t do this with you. There can’t be anything between us. I can’t- fuck- I can’t do this to you.” 

He couldn’t breathe. 

“What can’t you do to me?” she asked dangerously, moving towards him. He backed away until he hit the wall, everything inside him twisting into knots. 

This was wrong, this was all wrong, he had made every single effort not to hurt her with anything he said or did, trying not to let her get too attached, when attached was all he was, attached her, to her smile and her voice and her eyes and her soul, and now here he was, knowing that hurting her now would be better than breaking her heart later, that she was always going to lose him no matter which way you rolled the dice. 

“I can’t do this to you, Jules!” He ran a shaking hand through his hair, knowing his eyes were wild. He couldn't meet hers for more than a few seconds. “One day I’m not gonna be here any more- and I can’t let you- I can’t let you get invested in me when I’m just gonna leave you, there is no scenario in this where I don’t leave you.” Didn't she see that? She was so much smarter than he was, what could she possibly imagine their future looked like? Someday he would be gone, they wouldn't know when and they wouldn't get any warning, and didn't she see how much worse that would be? She had already been left behind before, and she had stopped playing music for a year. He couldn't do that to her, couldn't let her get so attached that he would tear her music from her when he left.

“You can’t _let_ me?” Julie asked, louder and angrier than he had anticipated. “You can’t _let_ me get invested in you? Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?” 

His gaze snapped towards her and the strings around his chest tightened, cutting off blood to his brain. She was alight with anger and hurt and he couldn’t tear his eyes off her. 

“You think that just because I know there’s no future with us, I can’t love you now?” She had cornered him against the wall and was gesturing sharply, deliberately, wired tight with hurt. “You don’t get to make that decision for me, Luke! That is my decision. You don’t think-" she paused, taking a shuddering breath, "you don't think that from the _moment_ I touched you that I haven’t known how close I am to losing you all the time? That I don’t walk around knowing that _every day_ could be the last day I see you and I will have no warning and you’re telling me that that is reason enough not to love you? That’s not up to you, Luke! You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to, but you can’t tell me I can’t love you, not after everything we’ve been through together.” She held his eyes with hers, but didn't move any closer.

Every string of Luke's body was keyed up tight; he couldn't hear anything but her voice in his ears over and over again, _I love you I love you I love you_. 

It was just that when she sat at that piano and sang, she glowed like the moon, and when she stood on that piano and sang she she blazed like the sun, and when she looked at him and sang she lit him on fire. She was a shower of sparks, and he was made of tinder, hers to burn. 

He had been silent too long, he knew, when she started to turn away from him, her expression turned bitter. 

"Julie-"

" _What_ , Luke?"

He paused again, but it was too late now. His resolve was ash.

"I love you too."

It came out quiet. It came out scared. She stared at him.

"Luke-" She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking her head. "I don't see what you're so afraid of. You're not going to be the one left behind at the end of this." She had moved just far enough away that he pushed off the wall and took a step towards her. 

"I don't want you to lose someone you love again, Jules," he said, reaching a tentative hand out to push her hair behind her shoulder. She leaned her head towards it and he caught her cheek, his resolve crumbling away from him as she looked up at him.

"I'd rather love you while you're here," she whispered, tightening her arms around herself. "Otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been."

He could feel the last walls tumbling down inside him. He knew he'd always been destined to burn bright and fast. Rockstars didn't last lifetimes, usually. Loving Julie would be no exception, in the end, even if he hadn't expected it to be the girl in front of him who truly set him aflame. 

Luke kissed her this time, insistent and desperate, and she pressed up into him, her arms linking around his neck. It was not a promise. It couldn't be. They had nothing they could promise each other except that here, now, they would love each other, for however long they had.


End file.
